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Thread: Daniel Powell - The Long Road Home

  1. #21
    G.O.A.T. Soapy's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by djp73 View Post
    Thanks man, would definitely appreciate the feedback.
    so i caught up. couple of tips.

    1. leave a space between each quote. example:

    "The team is ready to kickoff,"

    "Yes they are, Jim."

    It's just more aesthetically pleasing.

    2. Stretch out the updates more, they are really choppy and get like straight to the point which might be what you're going for. For an example, this is MY version of the update when Daniel got flipped on.

    "Make sure you think this through kid." Kellen said to the suspect, Omar Biggums.

    Kellen truly wanted to help Omar. He knew Omar never stood a chance; no father figure around and a mother that used to trick and stick whatever needle she could find into her arm. A commoner with law enforcement by the time he was 10, he was now 19 and running out of second chances.

    "You know we've got you by the balls Omar. Help us out. Don't let this be the thing that defines you. Help us out and we can help you out. You're still young enough so you can still be somebody. You help us and we can help you. Probation. No jail time. You don't help us and you go down for the whole deal. Don't let that happen Omar."

    Omar stared through Kellen, clenching his jaw as he shook his head.

    This motherfucker tryin' to act like my friend. I ain't no bitch" Omar thought to himself.

    He considered his options. The easy road, at least short term, was to get to talking. He just wanted to get out of that room and be able to breathe again as he felt his chest caving in. He was no stranger to trouble but this was different, this wasn't something he could sly his way out of. Talking would mean he'd have to leave the place he called home and leave everyone he knew, everyone he cared about. But as much as he lived 'that life', he knew he wasn't fit to do serious time, he simply wouldn't last very long as a nineteen year old in a federal prison.

    "I ain't got nothing to say to you." He said, looking back to the floor.

    ---

    "Look, he hasn't asked for a lawyer. We know he doesn't want to go to jail. He's got bitch written all over him. He'll talk if we give him time."

    "What do you think Kellen?"

    Kellen ran his hand through his hair, shaking his head in frustration as he let out a deep sigh. He had known Omar all his life but as he had learned through his time on the force, you never know what someone's going to do when their back is against the wall. He'd seen the hardest of criminals flip while the lowest common denominator of scums do their time quietly.

    "Yeah. I think he'll roll over. We just need to show him we aren't playing anymore."

    "Any suggestions?"

    "Let's start prepping him for transport."

    --

    "Wait! Hold up yo." Omar pleaded with Kellen.

    Omar did his best to fight off the officers as they tried to take him. This was happening way too fast, it wasn't supposed to go down like this.

    "Too late Omar. Too late."

    Kellen threw out the bait.

    "I'll tell you. I'll give you all of em!"

    He bit.

    "Start talking and we'll see."

    "Naw man you gotta get me out!"

    Omar started pacing back and forth, frantically scratching his head.

    "I need something before I can do anything," Kellen said flatly, conveying the confidence that Omar needed him more than he needed Omar.

    "What you want?"

    "Who did you report to?"

    "Different dudes. Not the same one every time."

    "Give me a name. Just one. If it checks out I'll be back."

    "Danny. Danny Powell I think. It was him a couple times."
    there you go.


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  2. #22
    is this mode any good?

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  4. #23
    cold ass honkey djp73's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Future Hendrix View Post
    so i caught up. couple of tips.

    1. leave a space between each quote. example:

    "The team is ready to kickoff,"

    "Yes they are, Jim."

    It's just more aesthetically pleasing.

    2. Stretch out the updates more, they are really choppy and get like straight to the point which might be what you're going for. For an example, this is MY version of the update when Daniel got flipped on.


    there you go.
    thanks, appreciate it

    i was trying to get through some of those updates quickly but i will work on the details some

    gonna go back through and clean up some of the formatting too

  5. #24
    cold ass honkey djp73's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Harvey33nym View Post
    is this mode any good?
    you mean CFM as a player?

  6. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by djp73 View Post
    you mean CFM as a player?

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  8. #26
    cold ass honkey djp73's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Harvey33nym View Post
    honestly it's not great. 2k's is better.

  9. #27
    cold ass honkey djp73's Avatar

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    "Where are we at on this?" Lieutenant Daniels asked in a demanding tone as he tossed a case file on Kellen's desk.

    “Nowhere, we got nothing on Powell and that's all Omar gave us.” Kellen replied without looking at the file, knowing it was his only open case that had any urgency.

    “We need something. The DA wants an arrest on this.”

    “There's no one to arrest yet. We need more time.”

    “We don't have time. Someone needs to be in cuffs by Friday.”

    “I'll talk to Omar again.”

    “If we don't get anyone else then we'll book his ass. I don't care who we get at this point.”

    “Omar's insignificant in all of this. He's the bottom of the totem pole.”

    “It doesn't matter at this point, we need a charge by Friday. Make it happen.” Daniels asserted as he stormed out of Kellen's office.

    Kellen snatched the file off his desk and threw it against the wall. He put his hands on his face in exasperation and sighed. He sat back down for a second before reaching for his keys and bursting out of his office.

    –--

    “Help me out man.” Kellen pleaded.

    “I told y'all already! I ain't got shit to say to you man! Fuck outta here with that!” Omar shouted, furious that Kellen was leaning on him again.

    “Here's the deal. The DA is leaning on my lieutenant, he wants someone, anyone, arrested now. When the DA leans on the lieutenant he leans on me. When he leans on me I lean on you.” Kellen explained matter of factly.

    “How the fuck that effect me?”

    “Well we have enough on you to arrest you for distribution. If we don't get someone higher than you by Friday I'm supposed to book you.”

    “Motherfucker you told me I wouldn't see a charge!” Omar was livid now. “I been helping your sorry ass all these years and now you're coming at me with this weak ass shit? Fuck all that!”

    “My hands are tied Omar. Just give me something.”

    Omar was pacing back and forth frantically, shaking his head and cursing under his breath.

    “You gotta give me something.” Kellen prodded.

    “FUCK!” Omar shouted as he grabbed a chair, pulled it up to the table Kellen was at and sat down.

    Omar began to sweat profusely as he thought about all the possible repercussions of what he was about to do.

    “Aight listen man...”
    Last edited by djp73; 10-25-2015 at 4:11 PM.

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  12. #29
    cold ass honkey djp73's Avatar

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    Sports



    Powell, Bison Sneak Past Coastal Carolina


    Fargo, ND -
    For the second week in a row Daniel Powell and the North Dakota State football team have won a playoff game in dramatic fashion.

    Powell and the Bison trailed Coastal Carolina 32-31 late in the fourth quarter of their quarterfinal match up yesterday afternoon. The Bison defense forced a punt by Coastal Carolina with just under two minutes left to play in the game. Nobody in Bison gear questioned what the outcome would be.

    “We knew if we could get Danny the ball back he'd go out there and win it for us,” senior defensive back Colten Heagle said. “That's the level of confidence we have in Danny as a team. He breeds confidence.”

    Heagle's confidence was well deserved. The Bison took possession of the ball at their own 13 yard line after a booming punt by Coastal's Austin Cain.

    “We were hoping for a shorter field to work with obviously.” Bison head coach Chris Klieman explained after the game. “We didn't panic, Dan knew what needed to be done and he and the rest of the offense did it.”

    Powell connected on all six of his pass attempts on the drive, capping it with a 21 yard touchdown strike to Luke Albers. Powers didn't pause to celebrate, he just held up two fingers to the sideline, indicating that they needed to go for two. Powers, nimble but not a “runner”, dove into the endzone after not seeing anyone open. Coastal Carolina was left with five seconds on the clock and a last gasp hail mary fell incomplete.

    “He didn't say much. We all knew what we needed to do. He just came into the huddle and called the plays. He's not really a “rah, rah” guy, he just executes and leads by example.” Receiver Carey Woods explained when asked about the emotion in the huddle during the last drive.

    “We've been in a number of lopsided wins throughout the season so these past two weeks you're not certain what to expect. Fortunately Danny has been in a number of big games and he's calm and collected in those situations so it helps calm everyone else down.” Coach Klieman explained.

    Powell transferred to NDSU just before the start of the season after losing his scholarship to Houston for what the school called “conduct unbecoming of a student athlete”. Powell was questioned in relation to a drug ring that was reportedly operating on the Houston campus. He was released and never charged.

    North Dakota State will host Sam Houston State next Friday. The winner will advance to the National Championship in Frisco, Texas on January 10th.
    Last edited by djp73; 10-20-2015 at 2:11 PM.

  13. #30
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    Shay let out a sigh and leaned back in her chair, rubbing her eyes.

    "What the fuck I'm doing this for?" She said out loud, looking over her accounting assignment.

    She looked over at Omar, shirtless and passed out again and shook her head.

    “Oh yeah, that’s why.” She said, rolling her eyes.

    Shay had enrolled at SJCC about a year ago, wanting a way out of Houston and her dead end job at Hooters.

    She’d always been comfortable with numbers and money so accounting was an obvious choice.

    She looked back at the screen, staring blankly. She knew she had hit a wall for the day and closed her textbook.

    She shut down her computer and picked up her phone, swiping the screen and hitting the Instagram button almost in one motion, without looking.

    “Ain’t shit going on.” She said after scrolling for a few minutes.

    She scrolled through Twitter, equally disinterested.

    She tossed her phone on the desk and looked around the room. Omar grunted and rolled over, mumbling.

    Shay shook her head again, grabbed her phone and quietly stormed out of the room.

    She plopped on the raggedy couch and reached for the remote.

    “Ain’t nothin’ on.” She mumbled under her breath after flipping through the few channels they got with the antenna.

    She picked up her phone again and clicked on the Facebook app, ending her self imposed hiatus that was prompted by a spat with one of Omar’s ex “girlfriends”.

    She scrolled and scrolled, nothing grabbing her attention.

    Just before she tossed her phone on the couch something caught her eye, she stretched and scooped it up then clicked the link.

    A friend had shared a story about North Dakota State’s win over Coastal Carolina with the comment “always knew he’d get out the hood”.

    She clicked on the link and scanned for a familiar name. About halfway through the article something caught her eye.

    Powell transferred to NDSU just before the start of the season after losing his scholarship to Houston for what the school called “conduct unbecoming of a student athlete”.

    “Powell…” she said out loud, trying to place the name. She smirked and scrolled back to the top and read the article from the start, remembering the name.

    “Damn!” She said, louder than she meant to and with a full fledged smile.

    “What up girl you okay?” Omar mumbled from the back.

    Shay didn’t answer, still engrossed by the article.

    After she finished reading she jumped on Google and read all she could about Daniel’s success at NDSU. She smiled as she read about the 11-1 regular season, glad he had been able to find success after Omar sold him out.

    Shay looked at the clock and realized she needed to get ready for her shift.

    “Oh shit!”

    She hopped up and grabbed her tank top and shorts and quickly changed in the bedroom.

    “Omar.” She said softly, trying to wake him. He didn’t respond.

    “OMAR!” She shouted, quickly becoming frustrated.

    “What?” He mumbled, rolling back over to his stomach.

    “I need a ride to work.”

    “Call a cab or some shit.”

    Shay stared daggers at Omar for a minute before storming out of the room, flipping on the light switch and making sure to slam the door as hard as possible on the way out.
    Last edited by djp73; 10-25-2015 at 5:27 PM.

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